Untamed

Just So You Know

If someone would’ve told me in the beginning of this year that I was going to meet someone really, simply beyond amazing within the next six months, I would have not believed you. In fact, I probably would have told you that that was physically nearly impossible.

In the beginning of this year, I had just gotten out of a shitty relationship with someone whom I thought was someone who I could’ve spent a while with. Well, actually, the relationship had ended in about June of ‘08, but it was drug on and on and on, the dead horse was constantly being beaten because I thought I still had feelings for someone who treated me with such disrespect, unimportance & cold heartedness.

So with a lot of encouragement from my friends & family, I let go of that, and moved on. Yes, it was painful, but it was well worth it. It took me about like..two or three months to let go and move on, more then I already had. I know that sounds fast, but everyone’s different with these things.

The end of April, I had started talking to this guy online from a free dating website. I don’t know what it was, but there was just something about him that kept him on my mind since then. Like something inside of me was telling me, “Megan, don’t let him go. Get to know him & give him the time of day.” So, I did.

Right off the bat, he made me laugh, he made me smile. We’d talk about random shit, mostly about music when we first met online. One thing that defiantly attracted me to him was his personality, and that he didn’t, right off the bat, want to know any sexual or personal things about me. I could be myself around him, though I hadn’t known him for but a few weeks at the time. He knew when I was being sarcastic, and he knew when I was being serious. I felt totally comfortable talking with him, which for me, isn’t something that’s easily achieved. For the first time in months, when talking with him, I actually laughed. Like, a real laugh, a real smile. & I had that same feeling to not let him go, and that I wanted to be more to him.

After a few evenings talking online, and some late nights till about 4 am, we exchanged phone numbers. Well actually, he had gotten online on his friend’s computer because we hadn’t talked in a few days and didn’t know when it’d be back up. He IM’d me and gave me his number and told me to text or call whenever. I texted him like a minute after that, to give him my number. Then our evening conversations and late nights went on the phone. If he was out with his friends, he’d be texting me.

We decided that we wanted to meet. He had came to my house on May 3rd, and we went to the Franklin Institute in Philly. We had a really good time, and he was being sweet as hell. At one point, we were watching some people at some of the exhibits, and he started to walk away from me and I grabbed his thumb. He was like “hey, gimme that back” and I was like, “well, what if I want your thumb” & his response was, “well, what if I want your hand?” and he grabbed my hand and we held hands the rest of the time we were there.

Afterwards, we went to an iHop that was near his house. We both ordered breakfast though it was late afternoon. Then after that, we didn’t know what else to do to kill some time. He noticed there was a grocery store in the same shopping center as the iHop, and he was like, “I got an idea..lets do my grocery shopping” Then I started teasing him saying things like “oh is this how you get all the girls, taking them grocery shopping?” I can’t remember exactly what he said, but he joked back that it was one of his ways.

While we were in line to pay for his things, he had his arm around my waist and I put my head on his shoulder & he rested his head on mine. It was really cute, I thought. & I was thinking like..dang…I really want him as my boyfriend.

So after that, he took me home. When we got back to my house, it had stopped raining and we were standing in my driveway & he stopped walking and turned around and he hugged me and kissed me.

The following day, we met up at King of Prussia mall and had dinner together after he was finished at work. We kissed when we met up and held hands walking there. After dinner, we walked around the mall for a little bit and he bought himself a Boondock Saints poster. After, he walked me back to my car. We uhm..made out for a little bit at my car, before it got too late and we had to start heading back to our respected houses. It may sound too soon, but it felt right.

The next day was well. We were texting off and on all day, with him being at work and such. Tuesday night, I texted him and asked him, “what are we?” and he said that that was actually something he wanted to talk to me about that night. So I asked him to hold on and I’d call when I was finished in the shower. And I did. He asked me to be his girlfriend that Tuesday night, May 5th. I swear, I was the happiest person alive.

And I still am. Ryan and I have been dating a little over four months now, and like any serious relationship, we’ve hit our bumps in the road. But I’m still happy with him nonetheless. And I know he’s happy with me. We’ve told each other that we love each other, since then & whatnot. I know I’m young, and I’ve not experienced my share of things in this world, no where near as much as Ryan has, or anyone else for that matter. But I know I love him. I love him more than anything. If I lost everything right now (god forbid) but I still had Ryan, I’d know I’d somehow be okay. Even when I feel the shittiest, the little things he says or does makes me feel so much better. He’s really an amazing person, inside and out. I personally think he’s perfect for me. I don’t know any other way to describe him, or how I feel with him. Yes, he does have his faults, but doesn’t everyone?

*sigh* Speaking of faults. Ryan and I might be taking a break. I didn’t do anything wrong, nor did he. My parents still treat me like I’m 16, and it pisses Ryan off more than anything. We can’t see each other whenever we want, and it’s insane. I don’t know how else to put it. But the idea of losing him, even just for a break, tears me up inside. He means so much to me. And sometimes he tends to do asshole things like make plans with me, then break them because he feels obligated to do something with his friends, or go somewhere that I can’t go with him. Sometimes his reasons are valid, but what about me?

My friends have told me that he’s a selfish asshole and that I deserve more. But I don’t want more. Ryan has so much potential if he just put his whole heart and mind into it. I love him so much already. If a break is right, then I’ll deal with it. I don’t like the idea, but I don’t want to lose him. I’ve not talked to him much since Sunday or so. He’s just not been in a good mood, not talkative, and tired from working. I miss him so much that it hurts. If I feel this now, when we’re still together, but with a possibility of a break, I can’t imagine how horrible I’d feel if we actually took a break.

I’ve been non stop hoping and praying that we stay together. Because I don’t know what else to do. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better about everything is Ryan himself.

Oh yay.

It’s always fun when your best friend of almost eight years ignores every single text message, call on the house & cell, and facebook messages. She clearly gets every single one of them and replies to others on facebook, but she ignores me.

And it’s always fun when you try and tell your ex best friend whom in which is dating your ex boyfriend, that he cheated on her at the beginning of their relationship. It’s fun because the girl is so blind, childish, and narrow minded that she doesn’t believe you, & believes him & whatever lies he continues to feed her. I swear he’s the defination of a pathalogical liar. It’s also fun because I want to strangle the both of them.

And it’s fun falling in love again. Ryan’s amazing. I never thought someone like him would exist, much less me by boyfriend. He makes me really happy. I love you. <3

…Oh, and it’s fun that I put all three of these in the same entry.